It was a gorgeous sunny autumn day; one of those days you carry in your soul to shine a light of hope during a dreary winter. My hubby and I were in “Apple Hill” California celebrating our season’s favorite ritual – a weekend trip to pick up cider, pumpkins, apples, pies and gifts.
Almost every ranch grew pumpkins. Beautiful plump, orange pumpkins in all shapes and sizes. At one particular grower’s exhibits in the midst of all the oranges and yellows was a single box of blue squash. Everyone passed by them with hardly a glance. A couple of kids wrinkled their noses and squeaked, “Ewww.” As I was taking the photo above, I thought they seemed so out of place and lonely. Just like me.
As a child of devout Jehovah’s Witnesses, I grew up feeling like a blue squash in a pumpkin-colored world. I was different. Out of place. Lonely. A misfit that didn’t fit in with my family, my religion or the civilization outside the Witnesses’ organization. Conflicted over my parents beliefs, I constantly asked if perhaps I was adopted and they just didn’t want to tell me. My mother gave me my birth certificate on my fourteenth birthday to prove I belonged to them. Ashamed to say I was disappointed.
Being the blue squash that I was, things that came easily to other people was challenging for me to grasp. Life is a process – ummm, huh uh, don’t get it. Progress not perfection – no way, perfection is the goal! You have choices – seriously, you must be kidding. God is love and He loves you no matter what – not in this lifetime or any other.
I desperately needed a transformation. In the very core of my being was a steel coil of frozen fear and doubt preventing me from finding true peace. Joy was somebody’s name, not a feeling I could embrace. Craving love and hope, I could not explain what they meant. I can now. The overhaul of my soul was a long haul and it isn’t over. Lots of posts on this website is about the renovation of a life. I hope you come back soon and enjoy the journey.
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