peace

Working for the CEO of the Universe Every Day™

My relationship with God has been one of those on-again, off-again kind of things. Completely attracted to Him, yet after living with the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ idea of the Big Guy I didn’t trust Him. At all.

Thinking He was mad at me, disappointed in me and fed up with me because I couldn’t be perfect no matter how hard I tried, I gave up pursuing Him. I packed up my spiritual bags, slammed the door on religion and took a bus straight to Hell on Earth. Give me a few more blogs and I might loosen up enough to tell the whole story and not leave out any of those dark corners where the skeletons play and the cockroaches roam.

I danced in the devil’s roadhouse and employed the wrong attitude and views for far too long. After years of flinging myself at a brick wall of emotionally unavailable, troubled, distant and moody men, I finally asked myself “What the heck are you doing?” Lost and sick at heart I was worn out from trying to find happiness through other people. Ashamed of my arrogance, my ridiculous need to compete with other woman and a stubborn hardheaded need to be right, I wanted to quit existing. I was miserable. Peace and joy were words used only during the Christmas season and did not register as real emotions in my heart.

Many posts on this website will share the story of how I transformed my life. How I returned to God bedraggled, worn out and “homeless.” My entrepreneur’s soul was tired of working for me and failing. The years spent far away from Him were filled with classes and studying hundreds of books on corporations and organizations. When it came time to knock on the CEO of the Universe’s door, I spoke to Him in the language of business. I begged Him to take me under His wing, be my mentor, and teach me how to live well every day. Whew! What a long divine process it continues to be – I’ll be revealing what transpired and would love it if you come back to read more about Working for the CEO of the Universe Every Day™.

Sparks Middle School Shooting

Our community lost a dedicated teacher, friend and selfless veteran. We are left with two students wounded and a child gone for reasons not yet uncovered. In the past, before beginning my journey of transformation, I would have focused on anger and blame.

I would have focused heated thoughts on where he got the gun, his parents, and why God did not prevent the unspeakable. Through gritted teeth, I would have questioned how the students treated him and if school personnel were aware.

With sadness and grief I said a prayer for the victims and their families, asking how not to put my attention on anger and blame. The voice inside my head whispered the questions, “What pain was the child so focused on that he chose to bring a weapon to school to take another life as well as his own? Are we going to outlaw guns, kitchen knives, fire, video games, and the Internet where anyone can learn to build a bomb?” In ancient days, without modern weapons, Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. (Gen. 4:8 KJV) Pain will find a way.

My website is dedicated to the business of transforming life to find peace and joy; how could that philosophy serve in this horrible situation without sounding trite? Putting my emotions in God’s hands, the Mohandas Gandhi quote came to mind, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.” Social and personal transformations go hand in hand. I cannot control other people or situations. I can only control my own reactions and myself.

My prayer redirected to one requesting assistance, to be aware of my thoughts, actions and words this day and every day. Help me to focus on kindness. Help me in any situation to release the need to be angry, mean, cutting, competitive or critical. Let me not be the one that pricks a fellow human with the words or actions that send them over the edge.

A Blue Squash in a Pumpkin-Colored World

It was a gorgeous sunny autumn day; one of those days you carry in your soul to shine a light of hope during a dreary winter. My hubby and I were in “Apple Hill” California celebrating our season’s favorite ritual – a weekend trip to pick up cider, pumpkins, apples, pies and gifts.

Almost every ranch grew pumpkins. Beautiful plump, orange pumpkins in all shapes and sizes. At one particular grower’s exhibits in the midst of all the oranges and yellows was a single box of blue squash. Everyone passed by them with hardly a glance. A couple of kids wrinkled their noses and squeaked, “Ewww.” As I was taking the photo above, I thought they seemed so out of place and lonely. Just like me.

As a child of devout Jehovah’s Witnesses, I grew up feeling like a blue squash in a pumpkin-colored world. I was different. Out of place. Lonely. A misfit that didn’t fit in with my family, my religion or the civilization outside the Witnesses’ organization. Conflicted over my parents beliefs, I constantly asked if perhaps I was adopted and they just didn’t want to tell me. My mother gave me my birth certificate on my fourteenth birthday to prove I belonged to them. Ashamed to say I was disappointed.

Being the blue squash that I was, things that came easily to other people was challenging for me to grasp. Life is a process – ummm, huh uh, don’t get it. Progress not perfection – no way, perfection is the goal! You have choices – seriously, you must be kidding. God is love and He loves you no matter what – not in this lifetime or any other.

I desperately needed a transformation. In the very core of my being was a steel coil of frozen fear and doubt preventing me from finding true peace. Joy was somebody’s name, not a feeling I could embrace. Craving love and hope, I could not explain what they meant. I can now. The overhaul of my soul was a long haul and it isn’t over. Lots of posts on this website is about the renovation of a life. I hope you come back soon and enjoy the journey.